Natural Drivers

You wrote:

"No my natural drivers were (and still are) to take things apart (to see how they work) -- and usually be unable to get them back together again."

You and I are similar in that regard, though you are far, far (far!) more adept at it than am I. Let my climb out of my imaginary pulpit for a minute and say something straight from the heart.

My "gift" -- if I may be permitted to say this -- is an ability to take complex things and somehow distill it down into a more comprehensible and approachable essence. I do this in a way I myself don't understand: I take a topic in over the span of what is usually weeks or months and then work on it in my mind. It's not a logical, sequential process. My mind does not "think" in precise sequential tasks. Rather, it works by turning things into shapes and colors, then establishing relationships between these objects. Over time I construct a framework in my mind, and I spend weeks looking at that thing in my mind; turning it over, looking at it from a different perspective, seeing if there are connections I hadn't seen before. It's all very intuitive ... very "right brain."

Note: this is why I was such a poor salesman -- they must be quick on their feet when confronted with new parameters. I can't operate that way. A new piece of the puzzle must be tossed over into the right brain and mulled over for a bit. In a sales setting, by then the time has passed.

What's my point? My point is this -- having spent the better part of my adult life engaging in the exercise of determining the internal framework of complex things, I then attempted to tackle the Bible and the Christian faith. Let me say this: I have never, ever wrestled with anything more multi-layered and complex in my life. It is elegant beyond description. It has internal tensions that seem like paradoxes but later turn out to be beautifully paired opposites. There are simple things that upon reflection turn out to be deep and rich. There are very complex things that in a moment of enlightenment my mind sees gorgeously simple. My mind is taxed beyond it's ability to comprehend all the shapes and relationships. It is, in a word, extraordinary.

So, Mr. Take-it-Apart-and-Analyze-It ... go ahead. God invites it. He must. He has crafted not only an extraordinarily elegant physical universe, but also an extraordinarily elegant construct of creation and redemption. God has made you one of the most intelligent people I've ever met ... surely (there's that word you hate!) he intends you to use that intelligence. I've been richly rewarded by the exercise of my God-given intelligence.

The only thing is it takes sincere exploration. Whenever I approached it with a heart hardened by a desire to prove God wrong, I've not been rewarded with much. But when I truly seek, the Bible opens up. Try this -- when you sit down to read the Bible, pray that God reveals to you not all the meaning held within your reading (that's too much -- you have a lifetime and beyond to plumb those depths), but rather to reveal that meaning which God himself knows is appropriate for you at this particular time. Do that with an open heart and I promise you you'll be rewarded. I have, time and again.

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." (NIV, Luke 11:9)

Honestly, I truly believe that when it comes to asking God's help to know God better, that's a prayer he gladly rewards. The Old Testament is rich with references to "seeking God's face."