That's me right now. The weight and burden of four years of studying the Christian theological framework for the sake of intellectual satisfaction is taking its toll. The issue in my mind isn't so much the truth (or untruth) of the doctrine, but rather my response to it.
A strong force within me is telling me to lift my eyes from the details at the fringe and use the gift that God has given me to find the essence -- the very core -- of it all. If you're familiar with "Pilgrim's Progress," I suspect this would equate to the period between the gate and the point where Christian is relieved of the burden from his back.
One thing in particular is resonating within me -- the specifics of practice is not the issue. Whether I raise my hands during worship, or sing loudly, or like contemporary music, or pray 15 minutes every night at 7:30pm ... all meaningless distractions. That's not to say that those who do those things are wrong, it's just that it may not be right for everyone.
I am the child in the football coach analogy in my previous post. God is the coach. I have for too long allowed myself to be distracted. The coach is there, patiently waiting for me to stop and turn my focus on him and his instructions. The coach knows his football, and he simply wants me to allow him to help me be better at it.
But first I must come to appreciate his role and the wisdom, and to be quiet and listen. Worrying about waving hands, saying specific prayers, or understanding the details of the "free will vs. predestination" would be like the child looking in the crowd for an idea what to do on the field.
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