Right now I feel that there is little for me to have faith in, for the social club reasons we discussed. I know that Jesus exists, I have proof. I know He is always there and sometimes just out of reach, you need to cross a great distance to get to Him but He is there. My faith is weak but my knowledge is strong.You seem to have been blessed with a strong personal proof of His existence, though during a time of terrible personal trial. Typically that would result in an abundance of faith, at a minimum in His presence and to some degree the value of crossing that distance to get to Him.
So I'm wondering ... are you perhaps defining "faith" as practices or activities that really have little to do with real trust in Christ? Given the choice between the two -- a real trust in a Jesus I encountered personally, or a slew of activities -- I'd take the former personally.
The other day I watched the last hour or so of "The Passion of the Christ." In particular I was mesmerized by the scene where the thief on the cross professed faith in Jesus as Lord. And in that simple act, beautifully portrayed on film, we see, I think, the essence of trusting faith.
My dilemma is, I think, of a different weave than yours. I have a head full of knowledge about doctrine and such. But I have little personal awareness of God, except in small glimpses at rare times. The fault is entirely mine ... I am woefully disobedient. And the "penalty" for that disobedience is not a loss of salvation but rather a continued distance from God ... a self-imposed distance.
Tell me about your understanding of faith, and how it relates to the statement that your faith is weak. I'm really fixated on this ... I think there's gold to be mined under that sentiment.
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