Interogating St. Peter

Scene: fluffy white clouds surrounding a big pearly gate.

St. Peter: Ah, welcome , my child

deep.thought: Where am I?

St. Peter: Why, you're in heaven.

deep.thought: Really? How can I know that for certain?

St. Peter: What do you need as proof?

deep.thought: I don't know. I need to know if I'm inside or outside the spacetime continuum. Maybe if I ask you some questions. Would that be okay?

St. Peter: Certainly.

deep.thought: What's the value of pi?

St. Peter (chuckling): You mean the ratio of the circumfrence of a circle to its diameter? 3.14 ... or 6 ... or -12i ... whatever you'd like it to be.

deep.thought: How can that be? It's a constant!

St. Peter: In the Lord's physical creation, yes. But here? No. Want to hear something funny?

deep.thought: What?

St. Peter: When Euclid arrived he was absolutely stymied to learn that here a circle is a one dimensional, two dimensional and three dimensional thing ... all at the same time.

deep.thought: How can that be?

St. Peter: It is as God made it to be.

deep.thought: So the physical laws of nature don't apply here?

St. Peter: They don't apply and they don't exist. I mean they don't exist here. They still exist over there.

deep.thought: Am I now eternally part of this different realm?

St. Peter: Yes, you are. Isn't it a blessing?

deep.thought: What would happen if I popped back?

St. Peter: It'd be a miracle.

deep.thought: You mean it's just not going to happen?

St. Peter: Well, yes ... you're not going back. But what I meant was that if you did, the intrusion of you into that spacetime continuum would constitute a miracle.

deep.thought: Has it happened before?

St. Peter: You mean a miracle? Oh yes, many times.

deep.thought: Really? When?

St. Peter: Oh, come now. What's the grandest miracle of them all?

deep.thought: Um ... the Incarnation of God in Jesus?

St. Peter: Very good! I'd say "Well done, good and faithful servant," but our Lord has that message for you personally.

deep.thought: One more question?

St. Peter: Shoot.

deep.thought: How exactly do you reconcile the doctrines of "free will" and "predestination?"

St. Peter (rolling eyes and pointing): See that man over there? That's Paul. Go ask him.