I Did It My Way ...

The Frank Sinatra song "My Way" has a line that starts with, "Regrets ... I've had a few ... but then again ... too few to mention."

Interesting concept, this thing called "regrets." I think some categorization is in order:

1. Things I've done intentionally I regret doing
   
2. Things I've done unintentionally that I regret doing
3. Things I've not done that I regret having not done them
   
4. Things done to me intentionally that I regret happened
5. Things done to me unintentionally that I regret happened
6. Things not done to me that I regret never happened
   

I'm wondering if I'm using the word "regret" properly items 4, 5 and 6. Can I regret a wrong done to me in life? Or does the word regret convey only misgivings for an act I committed? The dictionary.com entry for regret seems to suggest that the word can mean that: a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.

1 - Intentional Acts

I have a couple of things in my mind where I intentionally acted in a hurtful and spiteful manner where a more gracious stance could easily have been offered. One in particular has haunted my mind, and I suppose I should look into correcting the grievance. Trouble is, I'm not sure how or where to reach the individual.

2 - Unintentional Acts

This is a tricky one because by definition I would not have taken much note of it. It's possible I've done things in life that were hurtful and I have no clue. I can't think of any striking examples of this. Sadly, most of my hurtful behavior has been intentional.

3 - Miss Opportunities

You know, I don't really have any "regrets" that I haven't done things like skydiving, or been to Paris, or anything like that. I suppose that's a function of age; my having reached 47, those kinds of things are of less importance to me now than they would have been at age 20. Plus, I've done a whole bunch of things and therefore that urge may be partially or mostly satisfied.

I also don't have any regrets about things like not becoming a doctor, or pursuing some different career path within our company. Where I am and the path I've gone to get here is, upon reflection, a remarkable blessing.

The one "missed opportunity" regret I have involves a girl. I married the first time too young and for the wrong reasons. And after getting married I met a girl who I came to love very much. I cared deeply for her. But I could do nothing about it, and in fact I did nothing about it. I often wonder what I missed. But then I think, "Can I really complain about where I am now with my lovely bride?" The answer is "no." So I usually shelve the regret about Kim. Still, I doubt I'll ever truly forget her.

4 - Intentional Harms Inflicted

I can think of a handful of things done to me in my vulnerable teenage years I wish had not been done. Some of them had downstream effects that shaped my life. While I wish they hadn't happened the way they did, it's not like I hold some kind of resentment about them. Perhaps a little, but not a lot.

5 - Unintentional Harms Inflicted

This is the emotional minefield for me. In fact, I am sometimes tempted to recategorize some of these into the "intentional" bucket. This is where I feel the strongest -- yet most difficult -- call to forgiveness.

6 - Missed Experiences

Ditto #5 ... they are in my mind connected.

Still, all said, my regrets are few.