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I presume you actually know what that equation means. I presume you can actually follow the "balancing" of that.

I hate you. :-)

I've never been able to follow chemical equations. Even the simplest baffle me. It's like geometry proofs baffled me at one point, though I finally "saw the light" and understood those. But that light never came on for chemistry. That prevented me from majoring in the sciences at college, since taking (and passing) several chemistry classes first year was a prerequisite. I knew many a student in those days who started out an engineering (or other sciences) major, only to switch after failing in those beginning chemistry courses. They were designed to be "weeder" courses -- to separate the chaffe from the wheat, so to speak. In the business college it was Accounting 101 and 102 that served as the weeder courses. I squeaked by those.

Note 1 - I really did struggle with general ledger type accounting. "T" accounts, double-entry bookkeeping, etc. ... there was something about it I couldn't quite grasp. Oddly enough, later when I took cost accounting, I found it completely obvious. I don't know if there's something fundamentally different about cost accounting versus ledger accounting, or it was simply the passing of a year or two (with the attendant maturity).

Note 2 - The introductory chemistry classes as Michigan State University were provided on audio cassette tape, there being too many first year engineering students to hold lectures for them all. The professor was Dr. Hammer. Whether he really existed, I do not know. But his tapes were ubiquitous. And every lecture started out with, "Hello, this is Dr. Hammer ..." I have many memories of watching fellow students labor over pictures of electrons and "outer P orbitals."

* * *

Lisa and I went to the theater yesterday and saw "Walk the Line," the biopic about Johnny Cash. It stars Joaquim Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon, both of whom were excellent, and both of whom did their own singing in the movie. The movie was very good -- but not perfect.

One of the story threads running in the background of that film was the relationship of Johnny Cash and his father. It made me think of my own situation, and your post tied in with the general theme of how a parent's behavior towards their developing children can have profound effects, both positive as well as negative.

My father was not overtly harsh towards us kids, but there was definitely an undertone of criticism and definitely a lack of encouragement or a sense that he was at all pleased with anything we did. It's only recently come to me that perhaps that was simply because he didn't possess the ability to express emotions like that. Knowing that does not, sadly, change the reality of the inhibitors I carry in my soul.

There's been a somewhat odd reversal in the last two or three years. My father is now approaching 80 years old; my mother 75. He is in fairly good shape, physically; she is an utter wreck. They never had much money, they have even less now. I have become one means of financial support for them, which pains my father considerably. His wounded pride is not enough to keep him from accepting my assistance, however. But that's where the reversal has come: I am now the responsible one, he is the dependent one. I try not to accentuate this, and I would never (I pray) intentionally use it to impart harm.

Having spent a day visiting them a few weeks ago, I saw the somewhat sad state of their condition. They have a roof over their heads and food on the table, and their bills are taken care of (to the best of my knowledge). But there's a sense of resigned waiting. They have no real interests, no friends, and their children are largely estranged to them at the emotional level. So they sit in their house and watch the days and years go by.

If there's something I'm supposed to do about this, I don't know what it is. I support them financially, but I am not able to do much for them emotionally.

The state of my own mind on all this is, as you'd imagine, quite confused. I'm not sure what word I'd place on my emotions. I'm not really "angry" (though my oldest sister clearly is). And "sad" is not really the right word. The word "pity" comes to mind on occasion as I think about them, but I'm not really sure if that's proper. "Anxious" is certainly applicable. "Unsure" is always present in my mind.

All this was stirred up by "Walk the Line." I'd recommend you see the movie -- if for no other reason than the glimpse into the formation of some pretty influential music in the heartland of America, circa 1955 or so ... Jerry Lee Lewis, Buddy Holly, and of course, Elvis Presley.

You Brits really have nothing comparable, do you? No influential musical developments ever came out of Great Britian.

:-)

* * *

Some deeply meta-physical questions:

1. What exactly is "love?"
2. Are we able to really comprehend how "love" manifests itself in a creator God?
3. If I'm unable to understand the concept of "love," am I then unable to appreciate the love God supposedly has for me?
4. Is it possible that I've never really loved anyone, ever?

Chew on that, Mr. Chemistry-Equation. :-)