Meaning of "Commitment"

Hmmm ... I'm not sure what exactly I meant. Now that I think about what you asked, I have to think more about it.

However, on first blush I think the analogy of a marriage is fitting. (And it's probably no coincidence that the Bible makes reference to the church as "the bride of Christ" -- there's a parallel being drawn there, no doubt.)

I'm married to Lisa. When I married here these 13 years ago, the memory of my failed first marriage was still in my mind. So as I approached the notion of marrying Lisa, I was quite overcome with the question of whether I was doing the right thing. I had no way of knowing -- no certainty, as you put it -- that Lisa was "the right" person for me. So naturally I had doubts, as the lack of certainty always implies.

But I made a conscious decision to commit myself to Lisa and the marriage. What that meant was that despite the uncertainty, despite some lingering doubts, I was willfully dedicating myself not only to Lisa, but to the marriage. It was not a trivial undertaking ... I thought long and hard about it before making the commitment.

I think something similar applies to the relationship we are to have with Christ. We are to willfully dedicate ourselves to him, despite uncertainty and despite doubts. That's the commitment I was trying to get at. Does that make sense?

* * *

I understand completely your statement about leaving your home church because you felt the "two-faced shyster." I have similar thoughts. My belief is far, far less than certain. My commitment is far, far less than complete. I struggle mightily, both with doubts (at times) and with obedience (at most times). I'm not convinced in my mind that I've really made the decision to step up to the altar and say, "I do" to Christ, as I did with Lisa. I suspect there's a big part of me that wants very much to remain a "unburdened bachelor" (to stretch my analogy) .

It bothers me to go to church and see people seemingly content with their place in their faith. I'm not sure if it's envy or contempt. Both are sins.