On Character

I think you mis-read my earlier post. What I was alluding to was that there is a part of me that does not conform itself well to obedience to Christ. It is not the essential part of me, but rather another part of me that is acting -- at the present -- to prevent me from become more naturally the person that I am essentially. I'm not beating myself about this other than to recognize it as fact and ask the Lord to reveal to me how to shed that part of me. I am grateful for God's conviction of my heart in this area ... truthfully, I am. He is working changes in me, and if those changes are at his guidance, they cannot be wrong.

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Why is there competition? Why are there naysayers, and "I told you so" type people? I think, fundamentally, it is because these people continue to cling to their view that they are the rulers of their life. But if the Gospel is to be believed as True, we are called to abandon that and place God in that role. "Let God be God," as the saying goes. I know when I view myself as ruler of my world, I get competitive as a mechanism to preserve that role and expand -- or protect -- my domain. I would guess others do the same. Those who aggressively assert their own kingship display a cut-throat competitiveness in keeping with their aggressiveness. That's something I earnestly do not wish to be. This is why, incidentally, I want no part of being a manager. That role requires a certain competitiveness, and this I know: when I practice that competitiveness it runs counter to my very soul. I can do it, but it tears me apart from the inside.

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Was Jesus competitive? I think not. His driving the money-changers from the Temple was, I think, an act of divine righteousness for the Glory of His Father. His anger -- if we can call it that -- was performed in perfect obedience to the Will of His Father. The thinking goes ... and I have a sense that this is correct ... is that Jesus could be trusted to display such righteous anger. But we, in our fallen nature, cannot. I know for me it is better I not pursue such anger. Beyond a point -- and the point is not far from initialization of the anger -- I lose control and a very dark part of me takes over. Very dark. Again, I can't be trusted with it. Better I not do it at all.

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I'm not clear on what you're getting at regarding a person's decision to follow Christ. My point was that it is not something one "always was" or something one just "drifts into." Rather, it would seem to me, is something one should, ideally, come to intentionally and deliberately.

I think your point is that given the societal context it's not likely someone would arrive at a deliberate decision other than that prescribed by the pressure exerted. You may be right. I'm not sure what the alternative is. Does that suggest that a person like me should question my faith in Christ because I did not experience a life-long pressure to be Muslim?

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I doubt I'm smarter than Willard, but I'll take your compliment. But again, my point was not that I'm tearing myself down because of Willard, but rather I feel I was led to Willard by God so that Willard could expose me to certain things about myself -- and in particular the depth of my commitment to Christ -- so that I might better submit myself to the Lord. I view that as a very, very good thing.

There is much about Willard that makes me a bit uncomfortable. He seems to paint word pictures that are unduly stark in their contrast. I suspect he does that to drive his point. Elsewhere he tempers that starkness and, taken as a whole, his view of the Christian faith is not that far removed from others I've invested confidence in.

Yes, the Lord has made me, and despite much of what I view as the brokenness of me I have a vague sense that God sees past that and has a better plan for me. What a wonderful sense that is. The first glimmer of what unconditional love is, what Grace is all about, is a striking thing.

Still, I feel compelled to seek God's face with a deeper sense of intent. I can attribute that to nothing else but God himself. After all, for several decades I was lost in sin, and from that he called me. Absent his call, I'd still be where I was, and perhaps on a more dismal trajectory.

It is, to me, an utterly fascinating (that word is too weak) thing -- the incomprehensible Glory of God balanced off against his clear call for me to approach him. Amazing. Utterly amazing.

I pray for humility and openness of heart.

Grace and peace, deep.thought.