Children and Faith and Other Things

I've read on more than one occasion -- from people in whom I've invested some trust in their opinions on such things -- that the role of parents in their children's faith is really to be a role models of the Christian life, provide appropriate teaching and upbringing, answer questions, but encourage them to come to their own understanding and conclusion about the claims made. That strikes me as being sensible advice. The Christian faith really is a personal decision to trust in the Truth of Jesus Christ. If one can't remember ever making that decision on their own, then I guess one should reflect on the nature of their own commitment.

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I have a good many things to work on in my journey of faith. Dallas Willard -- I've read a lot of his stuff lately -- has a useful model he works from:

• V = Vision; a strong mental picture of the Truth and nature of God and Jesus
• I = Intent; an intentional and deliberate decision to be a disciple of Jesus Christ
• M = Means; the employment of the various "tools" to achieve a deepening and strengthening of one's commitment and obedience to Christ as King

He claimes that most people go straight to the M portion of that without first settling on V or I. They tend to flail about there because the underpinning of effective M is a securely established V and I. That also strikes me as a sensible model and sensible assessment.

About a week or so ago I reflected on this and thought I had the V part pretty well settled, but that my issue was the I -- did I really intend to be a disciple of Christ's, or was I hesitating? Then, on my cross-country flight recently I reflected more deeply, and after jotting down some notes it occurred to me that my problem was really more the V part -- particularly as it relates to the trustworthiness of Jesus and whether God could possible see me as a worthy of his love. Both demonstrate horrible deficiencies on my part of a solid vision of God. Intellectually I can say that Christ is the ultimate trustworthy person. Intellectually I can say that God has the capacity to love all people, for that is his nature. But do I really believe it? That's my struggle, good friend.

It's an awful struggle, because it goes the very heart of me. No ... strike that ... it goes to the protective shell around the very heart of me. The very heart of me -- my true internal heart -- is a gentle one, seeking no harm to anyone. The shell surrounding that is ferociously protective, and manifests itself in ways not attractive, I am ashamed to confess.

I'm being unusually personal here ... because I'm weary of my playing a charade of firm commitment. What I desire -- what I truly long for -- is a sincere commitment to Christ. Honestly, that's what I pray for.

I suspect the Lord has not yet revealed to me what first I must work on. I can only try to trust that He has a plan for effective restoration of me worked out, and that it'll all transpire on His schedule.

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By the way, your last post was beautiful. Very sincere and very touching. Thank you.